Life Of A Struggler ♥ <data:blog.pageTitle/> | Struggler <data:blog.pageName/> | Secret Diary
Love the life you live. Live the life you love❤
I want to be strong.
Thursday, September 22, 2016 ? 010 Budak Comel ?
It is true inded that girls' mood can change in just a blink of eye. Just now I was feeling highly motivated, and relaxed after reading the book. 

But now it changed just like that. Seems like all the happy things that I had experienced before disappeared just like that. I am feeling so dull, so depressed, dont know what to do, stressed, and etc. Feeling like just want to escape from everything and live far away from others. 

I still remember the old days when I was quite upset with my Facebook account because I felt worthless, and valueless because no one chat or contact me via that account. Seemed like everyone waa busy with their own jobs and never had chance to communicate with each other. So, I escaped from that circle of friends. How?

I made a new Facebook account and add few new friends that I dont even know before. They were all strangers but guess what? They cared more than our so called close friends do. I managed to build a new friendship on that time but as the time goes by, I got very busy and never had chance to login to that account anymore.

How I wish I just can do that again, in real life, means just escape from everything and start build a new circle of friends. Living within a community of stranger. No commitment, no frustrations, no more sadness. 

I have no idea what to do. Who should I seek, what should I feel, I just feel 'blank' but with many things messed up in my mind.

What should I do...
I am helpless. How can I be so emotionally dependent till everything that other people do will affect my mood. I hate being like this, but I cant stop being like this. I was naturally born this way. But how I wish I can just ignore the feelings and just dont care about other people. But I CANT!

Why mrs Am why.. You need to change. Please dont be like this. You need to survive. You need to be independent. Everyone will leave you anyway. It is just the matter of time. Sooner or later, you will need to stand by yourself anyway. Be ready please. Stop being clingy. Stop being so sensitive. Stop being soft hearted. You need to be strong. Please be strong....

Thanks for reading :)

Today I read this motivation book entitled 100 ways to motivate yourself by Steve Chandler. I read it because I was quite bored since the internet speed is so slow to browse up for anything else on the net. So, I decided to spend this few minutes to read something that can brush up my English language skills and my motivation.

I came across this page that quoted Albert Einstein. He once said that,

"Imagination is more important than knowledge"

I was just wondering, is it true? Because everyone is saying that knowledge is the most important thing. Then how come imagination can be the top thing that is essential to be a successful person?

Then comes again a quote like Albert's,

"Imagination rules the world"

This quote was said by Napoleon. Hmmmm, thinking after thinking, I believe that both of these quotes quite true.

Maybe it is not the whole world that he meant, it is your world. Imagination may not change other's world, but it can change yours. Some goes to knowledge. Having just knowledge without imagination is almost like having money but do not know how to spend. It is crucial to imagine in order to succeed.

In my case, I have my own imagination. I am quite a daydreamer I guess. On my table, I have this tag or name board that is written PEGAWAI FARMASI PUAN JANNAH. Hahahaha. I know that I dont even have yet graduated from Bachelor Of Pharmacy but somehow this board reminds me of my future, and sometimes it motivates me to struggle till I can get to see the real tag or board written my name, and have my own office room. 

Whenever I am near with that table, I tend to act professional. I felt like I am at my own office on that time, and already held a degree or PHD in pharmacy field. Even though I am still in degree stage but that feeling helps me quite a lot. It makes me to stay at that table until all my work is done and no unprofessional behavior (sleeping, facebooking n etc) is allowed in the room.

It motivates me quite a lot. And I guess this is why Albert  was saying that imagination is the most important thing. Because without it, you cant even have the motivation to gain knowledge.

With Love,
Mrs Am.

Thanks for reading :)

Hardship is spice of life.
Sunday, September 18, 2016 ? 010 Budak Comel ?
Today, the day was quite fine but when night comes, I started to feel so sad, so upset, so gloomy.

First because of my YBR. It was quite hard to apply, with all the forms and checklist, and I have no idea on how to settle it down. Thank God I have Mr Am beside to help me with the stuff. But still, there was something happened that made me so upset. I took about half an hour to calm down and be relaxed after that thing happened but fortunately, as the adage goes, whenever you are down seek for Allah and you will feel relieved again. And that was what I did. And then I see a clearer view of the solutions to my problem. Alhamdulillah. It's not a big matter actually, but it depends on how you perceived the matter I guess.

But then, at about 7PM, something happened again. I was trying to pack up my bag for the class tomorrow when I suddenly realized that I had my bottle water leaked in my bag. And even worse, the whole note book which I took few days to make it beautiful, became wet due to the leaking. With all the printed quotes paper were wet, and its color faded to all white paper that I spare for writing notes. I was very frustrated and disappointed with myself. Feeling so so so gloomy till I just wanna escape from everything and sleep.

When I discovered that my book was wet, I refrained myself from crying since Mr Am was there in my room. We were just settled down with the YBR problem but then came another problem. I'm not going to make him upset anymore so I just refrained myself from crying and then went to pray for Maghrib prayer.

But somehow, I cant control myself when I was praying. The tears were suddenly burst out and I was crying during the whole prayer huhuhuhuhuhu. I was just very sad, upset since all my effort were wasted. I felt like the whole world fall on me and I'm dying, crying for help, however from no one. But then I felt relieved, when Mr Am called me when he saw I was crying. He said nothing, do nothing, but I dont know why it makes me calm and I tend to forget all my problems. 

When I saw his face, I felt so pity. My problem is not as big as his. I know that he has bigger, more problems than me so why should I cry over something that is not useful at all and add more problem to his pain? Tomorrow, 19th September 2016, is his birthday and I think we should be happy, not feeling gloomy like this.

It took a while before we recover from our sadness. We planned for a birthday event tomorrow. Hopefully that can cherish ourselves back. I love him. When I have him, I may not have everything in this world, but having him is far worth than anything in this world. :)

Thanks for reading :)

Genting Highland

Went there this weekend. But it was just a day trip. We never planned at all to go there, the idea was just popped out at the night before. So, since the sem break just left one more day to be enjoyed, so we decided to have a one day trip to Genting Highland. It was just an hour and half driving anyway, so I guess it shouldnt be a problem if we go there and go back home at the same day. Its not gonna be so tired as compared to Cameron Highland though.

Honestly, I'd never been there before. It was my first experience going to Genting Highland, especially with my loved one. At first, I was wondering how the Genting Highland look alike, is it the same as Cameron? Or even cooler? As everyone is saying that GH is a place for enjoy, full of casino and games, then it comes to my thought that, Is it GH just like a city in Los Angeles? Haha but then when we arrived, I guess it is not like that at all. It was just a little bit like Cameron Highland. Not so busy, or hustle bustle like how I imagined before. Hmmm, Maybe because the theme park is still under renovation kot.

This is the first place we go. After been searching about 15 minutes for a car park, at last we managed to park our car at a free car park. It is a 9-level building, which is served for the visitors to park their cars there. It was quite full though. After we parked the car, we when inside this building. 

Cant remember what the building's name was, but it was so crowded with people! There were many foreigners also. 

Jeng jeng jeng. Selfie with Mr Am. Didnt plan to wear the same color of clothes by the way.  This picture was taken at a park, located in front of the Maxims Hotel if I am not mistaken. There were many people capture their sweet moments there. Yeah why not, it was the only perfect setting for a memorable picture then.

And this is me, Mrs Am. Sitting alone while waiting Mr Am done with his 'works'. It was not a really work though, he was just busy searching for the perfect setting to capture the pictures. I was bored, so I did this. Behind my back actually was a quite splendid view of a park, with almost all leaves greenish in color. It is so beautiful. It is just like a jungle in a centre of a city.

Enough with the pictures, we then felt very starving. So, we decided to have a simple meal or coffee before going back home. We had a coffee and red velvet cake at Starbucks, that located near the Maxims Hotel.

The cake was super duper tasty! With cheese on the top and in the middle of the red velvet cake, the taste was almost perfect and fulfil my stomach's wish. Had to share a coffee with Mr Am since I didnt really feel want to have a coffee at that time. I was quite sleepy, but I dont want to fight that feeling. At that time, I'm just thinking of completing the 'meal' asap and get into the car and then, SLEEP. I dont know why but I felt really fatigue and sleepy on that day. But still, had so much fun there.

Went there at about 1PM then we went back home at 8PM. It was a short trip though. Actually Mr Am did asked me whether I want to stay a night at there or not. Truth to be told, I really want to stay there for a night, but then the day after that I had a class at 8AM in the morning. It was my first class for this semester, so I think its not good to be absent at the first day. Mr Am agreed with me and then he told that next week (on Raya Haji Holiday) or maybe next time, we will go there again and have a night at one of grand hotel there. So excitedddd cant waitttttt. Hope Mr Am wont forget his promise herherherher.

With Love ,
Mrs Am.

Thanks for reading :)

Lets Make More Side Income!
Really feel want to update this thing. So, here it is. 

So, this is what i did for the past few days. An advertisement for promoting my products. Actually, I started back doing my previous job, which I think I have quit for about a year maybe. I am being a dropshipper for Kak Yani. Oh well, let me introduce Kak Yani. She is an owner to a Jamu Shop at Rafica Resources. She has a shop nearby, which is located exactly at A.Suria, at a new shoplot there. She is a very kind woman, always help me with the explaination of the products. And sometimes, she also allow her dropshipper to take the to-be-sold products first, then can be paid later after the customer already make the payment. She is a very nice woman and kindhearted woman, and I guess that is why she can succeed in her job.

Tara. This is what i did. Cute rightt? At first, i was going to make a white black advertisement and then will be put under the door of the customer, but then it comes to my thought that they might throw away the advertisement since it looks so mainstream and bored to them. So that is why i make i colourful and put a little cute girl icon there. Hopefully the customer will keep that and use it when they need to buy something from me.

This is one of my way to make money. Actually I make money from various ways. Hmmm, nowadays Malaysia is having an economic downturn. So we need to do more than one job right? In order to survive. So, this is what I did for a couple few days before. Hopefully everyting will go as I will. 

P/S : Mr Am will drop me to those colleges so that I can distribute all the advertisement in front of each door.

Thanks for reading :)

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