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I want to be strong.
It is true inded that girls' mood can change in just a blink of eye. Just now I was feeling highly motivated, and relaxed after reading the book.
But now it changed just like that. Seems like all the happy things that I had experienced before disappeared just like that. I am feeling so dull, so depressed, dont know what to do, stressed, and etc. Feeling like just want to escape from everything and live far away from others.
I still remember the old days when I was quite upset with my Facebook account because I felt worthless, and valueless because no one chat or contact me via that account. Seemed like everyone waa busy with their own jobs and never had chance to communicate with each other. So, I escaped from that circle of friends. How?
I made a new Facebook account and add few new friends that I dont even know before. They were all strangers but guess what? They cared more than our so called close friends do. I managed to build a new friendship on that time but as the time goes by, I got very busy and never had chance to login to that account anymore.
How I wish I just can do that again, in real life, means just escape from everything and start build a new circle of friends. Living within a community of stranger. No commitment, no frustrations, no more sadness.
I have no idea what to do. Who should I seek, what should I feel, I just feel 'blank' but with many things messed up in my mind.
What should I do...
I am helpless. How can I be so emotionally dependent till everything that other people do will affect my mood. I hate being like this, but I cant stop being like this. I was naturally born this way. But how I wish I can just ignore the feelings and just dont care about other people. But I CANT!
Why mrs Am why.. You need to change. Please dont be like this. You need to survive. You need to be independent. Everyone will leave you anyway. It is just the matter of time. Sooner or later, you will need to stand by yourself anyway. Be ready please. Stop being clingy. Stop being so sensitive. Stop being soft hearted. You need to be strong. Please be strong....
Thanks for reading :)
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Honey in My Life ♥
  Mr Am
My protector, my guardian, my teacher, my boss, my everything. Introvert just like me, but kind of strict and fierce person. Easily got pissed off with small things, cute in his own way. He is a part time student with his part time job as a software engineer and market analyzer & trader. Very attached to me hihi, which can be good, but sometimes can be bad because he cant do cleaning or stuffs like that, or even taking care of himself without my help. Loves rabbit and cats, or I can say that he is an animal lover with a sweet and gentle heart. He can be strict but he can be sweet at the same time. I love him so much. Cant imagine my life without him.
Ammi Abah Buah hati, permata hati, jantung, kesayangan, sweethearts & segalanyalah. They raised me. Jaga diri I bagaikan menatang minyak yang penuh. They gave me everything, and now it's my turn to give back. One day I will bring them to Makkah, I will give them everything that they want, I will take care of them just like how they took care of me. Sayang sangat kedua-duanya. Cant imagine my life without them. How I wish I can pay all the kindness, love that they had give me. Please ya Allah, take my life before them. I just cant live without the presence of them & Mr Am. Semua jasa mereka, hanya Allah yang mampu balas. Semoga syurga yang tertinggi dikurniakan buat mereka. Semoga mereka sentiasa sihat, murah rezeki dan dipermudahkan segala urusan hidup. Love them so much!
My Cute Little Tiny Babies♥
Pop
This is my baby. Pop. Naming so bcs of she keep pooping around. She is an anggora bunny. Adopted her when she was just 1+months old. At first, the old owner told that she is a 'boy'. But then days by days we finally realize that she is a girl. Plan ruined bcs we decided to adopt two babies rabbits so that when they grow they can be mated together. But then........ Lets have a lesbian rabbits then.
Bulus
Meanwhile this is Mr Am's bunny. Bulus. She is a teddy bear bunny. As I said before, we have planned like, I'm going to have a boy bunny meanwhile Mr Am is going to have a girl bunny. But unluckily, both of us have the girl bunnies. At first, we do know that Bulus is a girl because she has that girlish look, but she is so stubborn. When I touch her at first, she was quite aggressive. But Pop was quite tame. That's why I chose to make Pop as mine and give Bulus to Mr Am. But now it's changed. Pop is a very hyperactive girl. And Bulus is so so timid. So coward and so inactive. Put her outside and she will climb back to her house. Pop? Will do that too but takes time. She will wander around first and when is tired, she will climb to her house on herself. But that usually takes more time. 6-7 hours maybe? Or more than one night.... Or never.
Babies
When both of them were still babies. Mata sepet lagi time ni. Muka innocent gila. Best friend forever tu. (Sorang tu taktau yang sorang tu lagi menyampah dengan dia sebab asyik 'menempek' kat dia)
 I want to be strong.
But now it changed just like that. Seems like all the happy things that I had experienced before disappeared just like that. I am feeling so dull, so depressed, dont know what to do, stressed, and etc. Feeling like just want to escape from everything and live far away from others.
I still remember the old days when I was quite upset with my Facebook account because I felt worthless, and valueless because no one chat or contact me via that account. Seemed like everyone waa busy with their own jobs and never had chance to communicate with each other. So, I escaped from that circle of friends. How?
I made a new Facebook account and add few new friends that I dont even know before. They were all strangers but guess what? They cared more than our so called close friends do. I managed to build a new friendship on that time but as the time goes by, I got very busy and never had chance to login to that account anymore.
How I wish I just can do that again, in real life, means just escape from everything and start build a new circle of friends. Living within a community of stranger. No commitment, no frustrations, no more sadness.
I have no idea what to do. Who should I seek, what should I feel, I just feel 'blank' but with many things messed up in my mind.
What should I do...
I am helpless. How can I be so emotionally dependent till everything that other people do will affect my mood. I hate being like this, but I cant stop being like this. I was naturally born this way. But how I wish I can just ignore the feelings and just dont care about other people. But I CANT!
Why mrs Am why.. You need to change. Please dont be like this. You need to survive. You need to be independent. Everyone will leave you anyway. It is just the matter of time. Sooner or later, you will need to stand by yourself anyway. Be ready please. Stop being clingy. Stop being so sensitive. Stop being soft hearted. You need to be strong. Please be strong....
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Mr Am
