I want to be strong.
Thursday, September 22, 2016 ? 010 Budak Comel ?It is true inded that girls' mood can change in just a blink of eye. Just now I was feeling highly motivated, and relaxed after reading the book.
But now it changed just like that. Seems like all the happy things that I had experienced before disappeared just like that. I am feeling so dull, so depressed, dont know what to do, stressed, and etc. Feeling like just want to escape from everything and live far away from others.
I still remember the old days when I was quite upset with my Facebook account because I felt worthless, and valueless because no one chat or contact me via that account. Seemed like everyone waa busy with their own jobs and never had chance to communicate with each other. So, I escaped from that circle of friends. How?
I made a new Facebook account and add few new friends that I dont even know before. They were all strangers but guess what? They cared more than our so called close friends do. I managed to build a new friendship on that time but as the time goes by, I got very busy and never had chance to login to that account anymore.
How I wish I just can do that again, in real life, means just escape from everything and start build a new circle of friends. Living within a community of stranger. No commitment, no frustrations, no more sadness.
I have no idea what to do. Who should I seek, what should I feel, I just feel 'blank' but with many things messed up in my mind.
What should I do...
I am helpless. How can I be so emotionally dependent till everything that other people do will affect my mood. I hate being like this, but I cant stop being like this. I was naturally born this way. But how I wish I can just ignore the feelings and just dont care about other people. But I CANT!
Why mrs Am why.. You need to change. Please dont be like this. You need to survive. You need to be independent. Everyone will leave you anyway. It is just the matter of time. Sooner or later, you will need to stand by yourself anyway. Be ready please. Stop being clingy. Stop being so sensitive. Stop being soft hearted. You need to be strong. Please be strong....